As I prepare to re-enter corporate land for the next
few months I may need to get my brain back in the zone. I’ve managed to avoid
brain melt (AKA daytime TV) as a freelancer/lady of leisure, but I am wondering
if my grey matter is in for a shock when I have to do a ‘normal’ job again and
(god help me) translate the business speak.
I anticipate next week will be awash with
dove-tailing, leveraging and piggy-backing, and I wonder what new gems will
have been created since I last rubbed shoulders with the suits. As I transition
back into the office life I better take ownership of my core competencies and
make sure my skillset is primed to on-board my key stakeholders and get their
buy-in. Ouf! There I was thinking I was terrible at languages when apparently I
speak fluent corporate twaddle.
Who needs plain English when you can touch base
rather then meet, have dialogue rather than talk and operationalise rather
than just feckin’ do it? Not to mention the Mystic Meg style future-proofing
that goes on - impressive. Maybe talking gibberish and making up words means you’re
less likely to get pushback from the gatekeepers (methinks a dungeons and
dragons fan came up with that one…)
And then there are the TLAs. Which, my friends, are
Three Letter Acronyms. Yes - an acronym for an acronym. I must prepare myself
for cryptic sentences like; ‘I can give you an ETA if they fix my VPN within
their SLA – should be by COP.’ Close of Play. One of my favourites …appears to
suggest a day of fun? (maybe it's all the piggy-backing?)
There’s only one thing for it – make up some nonsense
of my own. They do say If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em, so I shall have to
apply some blue-sky thinking and dream up a ridiculous addition to the office
dictionary. Maybe I can multi-task and have a thought shower whilst I take a
comfort break (or maybe not – taking a comfort break in the shower is most
unsanitary). I will, of course, run it up the flagpole and socialise the idea
first thought, god forbid I should re-invent the wheel!
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