Friday, 6 April 2012

Adventures in cat cuisine

Today I learned that the French for Pollock is ‘Colin’, so if you are named Colin (bless you) and are planning on travelling to France - tread carefully. I wholeheartedly encourage parléying une petit pue de français (when in Rome/Paris and all that) but beware the danger of your new French chums hearing ‘Hi – my name’s Pollock’ when you introduce yourself.
This useful (?!) little titbit came courtesy of a packet of Felix ‘As good as it looks’ - a title that has always struck me as an interesting branding decision. Our cats have yet to master the monetary system (the lack of opposable thumbs and pockets makes carrying small change a nightmare, so they tell me) and to us humans, the ones generally making the purchase, it looks, quite frankly, revolting. Now Whiskas ‘Oh so fishy’ on the other hand – they have hit the nail right on the head. What a stench. I’ve learned to avoid serving it before having people over, otherwise it leaves the floor wide open for the cheeky buggers I hang around with. ‘It’s the cat food’ ... ‘umm-hmmmmm, of course it is’.
The bosses keeping an eye on operations.
While carrying out my shopping duties for the furry feline bosses (dogs have owners, cats have staff) I also noticed that they are now, at the ripe old age of eight, ‘seniors’. Before we know it they’ll be going off to college…*sniff*
*ahem* Anyhooo... I then did a little mental calculation (which, granted, is probably wrong – sums are below if you’d like to check my homework) and I concluded that by comparison, and by cat food standards, I too am a ‘senior’. You could have knocked me down with a pack werther’s originals. If I hadn’t already eaten them.

Cat/Human seniority calculation
Ripe old age for cat = 18
Ripe old age for human = 72 (…ish!)
72 ÷ 18 = 4
Cat ‘senior’ = >8
Human ‘senior’ = >32 (!!!)

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